These guidelines have been written by the synagogue to assist parents in all aspects of planning a Bar mitzvah or Bat mitzvah for their child.

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The First Step

Bar/Bat Mitzvah can only normally take place at SHEMA if the family are members of the shul.

 

If you would like to hold a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at SHEMA, contact should be made as soon as possible with the synagogue.  Please email us here.

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SHEMA’s B'nei Mitzvah co-ordinator will contact the parents with a confirmation of the date and to offer any help that may be needed. The co-ordinator is available at any time prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to answer questions.

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Timing

It is customary for a Bat Mitzvah to be held on the Shabbat after your daughter’s 12th or 13th Hebrew birthday and a Bar Mitzvah to take place on the Shabbat after your son’s 13th Hebrew birthday.  At this point they are considered adult and are counted in a minyan

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Although this date is the usual custom, a child can have their Bar/Bat Mitzvah anytime after these dates.  Girls may choose to have their Bat Mitzvah on their 13th Hebrew Birthday, particularly if they are born in September / October as at 12 this can be a stressful time starting secondary school.  

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Additionally, birthdates may coincide with fast days, the Omer, or other times that are unsuitable for personal reasons.

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Please ask if you are unsure.

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What does a Bar /Bat Mitzvah do in a Masorti shul?

SHEMA is an egalitarian community and we do not have different expectations for boys and girls.

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According to Jewish tradition, you become Bar/Bat Mitzvah upon reaching the age of 12/13 years. 

 

Most B;nei Mitzvah have an aliyah, read from the Torah, recite the Haftorah and give a D'var Torah.  We will help you celebrate this milestone whatever your child is able to do.  We especially encourage children with special needs and will work out a suitable programme with the family.

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All B’nei Mitzvah will be presented with a gift from the community and a certificate.

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What if another family have a child who reaches Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the same week?

SHEMA is still a small community and it is rare that this will happen.  However, it is possible for two or more children to reach their Bar/Bat Mitzvah age on the same Shabbat.  If both families wanted to have their celebration on the same Shabbat then this would mean that leining / haftarah would be shared by agreement as well as all the other synagogue arrangements.  However, as already mentioned above you can choose to have your Bar/Bat Mitzvah in shul any time after the 12/13th birthday and you may prefer to choose a different Shabbat.

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Tuition

We are able to recommend a number of teachers to you.

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Generally, you should approach a teacher 1 year to 18 months before the proposed date, but this can vary from as little as 6 months if Hebrew reading is fluent to up to 2 years if your child cannot read any Hebrew.  If you are unsure it is better to approach a teacher early for an assessment.

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Venue

Bar/Bat Mitzvahs are currently held in Edgware but as we will be moving in the foreseeable future, we will find an alternative.

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Synagogue attendance

Regular attendance at Saturday morning services is expected in the year running up to the event.  If attendance is not regular, SHEMA will, in the first instance, contact the family and reserve the right not to conduct the ceremony.  We would also hope that you will join us on festivals and become part of the kiddush and/or security rota.

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Kibbudim

These are the honours given out during the service: being called up to the Torah; opening and closing the ark; reading the prayer for the King, State of Israel etc. You can choose members of your family and close friends to take these honours, although a couple of honours should be left for other members of the community or people commemorating a Yahrzeit.  In a small community, this makes the service very special for the family.  We would also be happy for members of the family to play an active role in the service on the day.  

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Anim Zemirot

A nice tradition is for Anim Zemirot to be sung by a younger member of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s family if there is one.

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Kiddush

It is customary for the family to provide a kosher Kiddush for the community. Please liaise with us nearer the time and we will discuss the numbers expected.  We have various options available for the Kiddush so please discuss this with us

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Donations

SHEMA would be delighted to receive a donation of money or a presentation to the synagogue in honour of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. ​​​