Why have an Adult Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

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B'nei Mitzvah celebrations are a joyous part of community life, but this is an opportunity that doesn’t have to be just about our younger members. 

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As Jewish adults, technically we are already B'nei Mitzvah – ‘children of the commandments’, but sometimes, when we reflect back on our ‘coming of age’, we feel like we were too young to appreciate the experience. Some people felt disconnected, forced or unfulfilled.  Others perhaps came to Judaism later in life or there were girls in the orthodox who weren’t expected to read from the Torah and have an Aliyah. 

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Student Rabbi Zachary Caruthers Rothberg told us: I was raised in a secular home and didn't have a Bar Mitzvah ceremony at the age of thirteen. But I became interested in exploring my heritage during university and decided to sign up for an 'adult B'nei Mitzvah' course. I was exceptionally grateful for structured the adult Jewish learning, which empowered me to take hold of my Judaism, and feel like an authentic member of the community. And, to boot, I got a wonderfully affirming ceremony which ritualised my commitment to living a Jewish life.”  

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JR, who recently leined Parashat Devarim and delivered a beautiful D'var Torah told us: “I had my Bat Chayil at school in 1978 when I was 12.  Ten of us stood in a line, each reading a verse from Eshet Chayil. I don’t remember much else We each got a Singer’s Siddur, and I’m fairly sure we were told we were each on our way to becoming an Eshet Chayil “women of worth” – good Jewish wives and mothers, with all the old expectations that came with it. So when Shema mooted the idea of the adult B’nei Mitzvah – for those who had never had one, or who would like to do it differently –I thought why not learn the leining.  Fifteen years ago, we stood in Fairway Hall. It was my dad’s 90th birthday, and it was also my daughter, Bat Mitzvah. They gave a joint D’var Torah – my father talked about Tisha B’Av, and my daughter spoke about Devarim and Moshe’s struggles. So, finding out that Parashat Devarim was also my bat mitzvah portion, it all seemed quite fitting.” 

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SSL told us: When I was 12, I wasn’t confident enough to have a Bat Mitzvah as I couldn’t read Hebrew.  I’m not much more confident now and I still struggle with Hebrew, but I choose to do it now for my children and family and embrace my Jewish identity even more than I have already, spiritually, culturally and communally. 

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BH told us:  “I was a little envious when I saw my granddaughters having their Bat Mitzvah and it would be such a feeling of achievement for me.  I would like my daughters to be proud of me as well and my parents would look down from heaven.” 

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Whether it is an opportunity to deepen your knowledge and connection to the community or have your spotlight moment or simply to celebrate with your loved ones please come and join our adult B'nei Mitzvah programme where you can learn and celebrate in a supportive and personalised framework. 

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The goal is for there to be 10 group lessons on subjects of Jewish interest including Jewish history, culture, identity, theology, spirituality and services by a variety of speakers/educators. 

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We will arrange individual – Hebrew, Torah/trope lessons depending on your knowledge and how you wish to celebrate, and we hope it will culminate either in individual, or group B'nei Mitzvah ceremonies designed to suit your needs.  

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There may be some costs involved (for paying teachers) which we will work out according to the number of participants but please don’t let this be a barrier to you joining in.

 

Please email niki@shemacommunity.org